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April 4, 2011

"I'll go get the knife"

I don't buy band-aids, I find them to be a colossal waste of money!  My kids could use a whole box in one day!

Case in point:  Last week Cole spent the night with my Mom and Dad, when I picked him up the next day he was sporting (very proudly I  might add) 3 band-aids!  Yes 3- I said to him "Dude did Grandad beat you?  What is up with all the band-aids?"

Just for the record and my Mom's sanity - my parents DO NOT beat my children, nor any other children!

Cole: Well (he tends to start every explanatory sentence with a drawn out nasaly Well!) I got a paper cut on my finger, a scratch on my leg down by the creek and I stubbed my toe!

Me:  Dude - you stubbed your toe?  What the heck good did a band-aid do for a stubbed toe?

Cole:  Well it really hurt and I thought the band-aid helped protect it!

Now this only served to reiterate why I don't buy band-aids!
But I do buy medical tape and neosprin!
When a minor injury occurs at this house you are offered 2 choices:
1. medical tape, Neosporin and some gauze (read as papertowel or tolit paper - gauze just sounds more medically acceptable)
2. a knife to cut the afflicted limb off with

A wounded child scenario:
Child:  MMMMOOOMMM I need a band-aid I just ______________  and it really hurts, it's gushing (aka slightly dripping) blood everywhere - what happens when I run out of blood - MMMMMOOOOMMMM!

Me: Let me see, oh wow your right that is horrendous, how were you ever able to make it into the house to find me without passing out from blood loss and hysteria?  Now do you want me to get the medical tape and neosporin or would you prefer me to get the knife?

Child: MMMMOOOMMMM it really hurts don't we have any band-aids?  The tape thing just looks stupid and I don't want you to cut off (insert injured limb)!  Fine I will just live without anything!

Me:  Then you are not hurt too bad if you are worried about looking stupid - now man up and go away!

This has only backfired on me once - when Cole was about 5!

Cole:  MMMOOOMMM I fell and my knee is bleeding and it really hurts!

Me: Yep doesn't look good - do you want the medical tape and Neosporin or we can cut your leg off!

Cole:  I'll get the knife

Seriously that is what he said to me - I scooped him up and ran all the way back to my MIL where I begged for a band-aid for my poor maimed little boy - and she graciously put a band-aid on my baby's wound - because she is a good Gramma and buys them!

Our next medical lesson will be on the advantages of Wound Kote to humans - which I believe is a cure-all if you can get the kid to sit still long enough to spray it on!  Oh and your not embaressed by the purple stain it leaves on your skin (but just for a little while!)!


  1. The saying in our house is: "If it's not broken or bleeding, I don't want to hear about it!"

  2. they are looking for a little sympathy. We all like a little sympathy