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March 2, 2012

WHY ME?????

I have tried have to have the "talk" with my kids, I gave it an honest effort and quite frankly thought I was done - I thought the youngest and I had come to the consensus that if he did have any questions about that subject he was to get them answered on the bus!

The other day Chris comes in and looks me straight in the eye and says "Boy that was a close one!"

Me: What?
Chris: Well Cole and I were breeding sows and Cole looks at me and says "The thing I don't understand is why don't people have to do that?"!
Me: Well what did you say to him?
Chris: I said "Well Cole the truth is they do" and prayed that that would be the end of it.  But then Cole said "I figured it was a little more . . . sophisticated (I swear this is the word he used) than that" so I said well "it is but you will learn about that someday" - I thought I handled it very well!
Me: WELL THANK GOD you were finally the one around when the subject came up!
Chris: I think I did good, I don't think he will bring it up anymore anytime soon!

Fast forward to last night (which happened to be Thrusday night, Man Night - whole other subject) while Chris is GONE:

Cole: Mom do people breed like hogs!
Me: Well men are pigs!  ummm I thought you and your Dad discussed this the other day at the hog barns?
Cole: He didn't really tell me anything he said I would learn it later!

I instantly grabbed by phone, speed dialed Chris and said in a somewhat panicky voice at 100mph "Oh My God you told me you took care of this - YOU LIED - Cole says you didn't answer his question just told him he would learn later - well later is now and of course you aren't around only me!"
To which the response I got was "You are in direct violation of Man Night Rules - you handle how you see fit and we will discuss this at a later time" admist giggeling (yes I said it) giggeling men in the background!

Me: Well Cole yes they do, just like boars have boy parts so do guys and sows have female parts like girls, there are eggs in girls and sperm in boys and when they get together they can make a baby!
Cole: Well what is it called?
Me: sex
Cole: oh ok
Me: Do you have any questions?
Cole: Well (his signature word) pause for effect - seriously . . .not right now but I am sure I will after I contemplate(I swear this is the word he used)  this for awhile.

Seriously if he is smart enough to use the words "sophisticated" & "contemplated" in the correct form can't he just Google "sex" like a normal kid and then ask the kids on the bus anything he doesn't understand?


  1. Good job Mom! I think it is great that he mentioned it to you and you trust your husband with that conversation. My husband just plain scares me. Those forty-five minute bus rides made things a little hard for us...I mean me. Mitchell came home in second grade and asked what balls were. After being around livestock, I assumed he knew some of this stuff. So my reply was, and keep in mind that I wanted to be anatomically correct, "We don't say balls. We say scrotum." My husband came flying out of his chair in the living room and around the corner, into the kitchen and said, "Do you want him to get beat up on the bus and have kids make fun of him? There is no "we" in this conversation. WE don't say scrotum. Call them balls, that is fine." Funny thing is I can type the word balls without a problem, just saying it out loud really bothers me.

    1. Oh my goodness! I'm not looking forward to this conversation with my son. lol

  2. LOL. I'm SO not looking forward to this with my boys. I'm kinda hoping that since he sees the cows "do it" all the time that that'll be enough. I remember when my mom sat my brother and I down to have "the talk" and we were like, "Yea, yea, we already know mom." I thought it was funny how relieved she looked. I dunno, we just KNEW.

  3. OK, the post and the comment above almost made me pee myself laughing! I have four (yes, four) boys...and I am hoping to be sick the day this conversation comes up. Although, I'm not sure their Dad will handle it well either. Our oldest is 9, so I'm hoping to have another year or two before the in-depth questions come up.

    Scott, 8, came home from school a few weeks ago, limping. I had asked what was wrong and he said, "Someone kicked me in the nuts." I just about died. When I was trying to scold him and tell him that he should use another term, Mark piped up with, "Why? It hurts like hell!" Thanks, Dad, for the help.

  4. LOL! That is hilarious!!! I think you did a fabulous job!!! And when I have to deal with this exact same thing years down the road, I am bringing my son to you!

  5. I'm no parent, but I'm pretty sure you don't want your kid to Google "sex." hahaha!

  6. I will say....you handled the situation allright. As the mother of 2 teen age boys, i beg you.....do not leave it up to their random friends on the bus to fill in the important "details". Or worse yet, enemies that would love nothing more than giving bad information & watch your son faulter later. You & your husband are the only ones that should supply your children with honest, direct, and of course - age appropriate information on sex & birth control. It is not a subject thats comfortable for any of us as parents to have, and its ALWAYS sooner than we want it to come. Good luck! :)

  7. When my sons turned 13 and I realized their father was not going to talk to them about this very subject I made a drive around the island and we talked about the facts of life in a very open and honest way. I told my son remember when your friend was flirting with your sister and you didn't like the way he was looking at her or talking to her? Well just remember that girl you are interested in is always someone elses sister so treat her with the respect you want your sister treated with. Both sons have grown up to be fine young men who treat their women with love and respect. I was honest with all the questions they asked even if some of them made me want to drive off the road out of shock.

  8. We had to explain to our son's kindergarten teacher that "semen" was a word in his vocabulary (due to the swine semen arriving daily via UPS). I feel like we are headed to this exact conversation with our sons. Thanks for the laugh--and the heads-up.

  9. Ohh this really made my chuckle for the day..

  10. Now that my kids are 18 and 22, I'm soooo finding this hilarious!

  11. Mine must have gotten the answers on the bus as I never had to answer those questions You did good Mom

  12. I would have fled the room, called one of my girlfriends, & spent the next hour holed up in my closet DYING from the horror of it all and laughing my ass off at my insane wimpiness. You are awesome for having that conversation. Also, YES he can Google that stuff. There's the problem with him finding porn but hey, he wanted to know...

  13. Oh my goodness- this is too funny. Probably not funny for you at the time. Some of the comments made me laugh, too.

  14. FYI Cole, this should be a topic for the afternoon bus! You know, when your little kindergarten girlfriend isn't sitting nearby, her mama isn't quite ready yet either!!