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April 13, 2012

I don't do well with change.

I don't - I know I seem very well adjusted, perpetually cheery and easy going (yeah go ahead and laugh I can't hear you anyway) but change just throws me off!

I used to think change was good - I grew up in a very stable home - stable in the fact that I had 2 parents, 4 grandparents, my Dad had the same job my whole life, my Mom was a teacher for most of my childhood (except when we were younger and she stayed home) at the same school, same grade, same classroom for the most part, I only moved once - from one house on the farm to the house my Dad grew up in on the farm, we vacationed once a year, attended the same church my whole life, never changed school systems . . .  the list goes on and on - I once thought a little change would be nice other people moved houses, schools, relocated because of a parents job - new and exciting adventures - but I have changed my mind, I actually did a long time ago - just getting married and having to move one county over was just about my limit on change.

The other day (Monday to be exact - just a few days past the biggest change to date in my life) Chris and I walked into The Grill Bar for lunch (my favorite place) and they were putting in new booth benches - I burst out in tears - seriously - why did they pick that day to put new ones in - oh they needed to be changed - the others had probably been there for the better part of 30 years or more - they sagged in the middle, if two of you were to sit on the same side you spent all your time fighting gravity not to both fall in the hole and just sit cheek to cheek - I had learned how to sit in each one, some you could just move a little off center and be level and sitting high enough to see over the table, some you had to put one leg under your butt or your face was level with the table and a couple I would just sit sideways leaning against the wall with my feet outstretched (these were my fav.) - BUT I don't like change and that was too much for me that day.

But things do change - minor things and major things - and I have always been a roll with the flow kind of person, a suck it up and move on there are just some things you can't change kind of girl (I do believe I get this from my Dad) - but this major change in my life has my mind reeling:

WHY - -

- -do I believe in Heaven?  I wrote this on Easter Sunday - it felt right when I wrote it and I am 99.9% positive I believe it but do I believe it because I BELIEVE it or because I think I am supposed too?

- -does someone I didn't see everyday or talk to being gone seem to affect my everyday life now? And then what about my Mom & brother who did see and talk to him every day.

- -do things have to change?

Absolutely nothing to do with today's post but isn't it beautiful
- this was sunrise Tuesday morning over our grain bins!

I promise we will be back to our regularly scheduled programing soon - not limited to but including: "nasty attitude teenage girl gets her own truck", really good spaghetti sauce recipe, a couple of "pincomplished" projects, "Saddle Up" we started planting & why we say that and how Chris will never live it down AND Livestock VS. Kids: why some days I wish we had just got more livestock!


  1. I hate to say it, but as we get older, there are just some things we like to stay the same. I can't multi-task like I used to, and I am getting less fond of change, and crowds, and snooty people (whom I used to just ignore), and stupid rules/laws, and clutter (although I still don't know how to fix that beyond the obvious...it's implementing the ideas where I get stuck!) Sigh...I think this is why God made wine ;-)

  2. Sending you big hugs & a virtual shoulder to cry on when you need it. <3

  3. I have had lots of change lately. Mostly all good;)

  4. I think most of us deep down don't deal with change always the best.

    I am really enjoying your blog and am sorry to hear about your loss.
    Carla Kidwell

  5. Thinking of you... and while I can't wait to read the kids vs. livestock, you just take your time... your blog is awesome because it is you and what you are going through is a part of you.

  6. Take all the time you need. We'll be here. Luv ya!!