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July 9, 2012

NOT A Starbuck's Junkie!

So if you made it past the title you are probably thinking I am some sort of whack job and I may also lose 2 of my 3 readers  - I mean who doesn't love Starbucks these days - well I don't, I have only been thru the drive-thru a handful of times and today was actually the first time I had ever been in one- the oldest had drivers ed and so it was the only close place I could think of with free wifi to kill 45 minutes!

I stongly dislike it probably first and foremost because I despise the taste and smell of coffee
 - period - I can't stand it!

But last year during the fair I was at the fairgrounds when I had a meltdown and while I was off the fairgrounds a friend asked me to stop and get him "a Starbucks" - I said sure and made my maiden voyage to the Franklin Starbucks it went like this:

Setting the scene - it was near 100 degrees (why anyone would want coffee first off is beyond me but in 100 degrees just ain't right - but to each his own) I was hot, sweaty, smelled of cattle and dirty so I opted for the drive thru - which is too tight a turn for my 4 door long bed Dodge so it required a 3 point turn to get it in position, finally to the speaker the conversation went as follows:

Welcome to Starbucks may I get you (not sure what he said here but it didn't sound familiar) today?

Me: I don't think so, but I do need a Venti Pike (more in the form of a question as I had no idea what I was actually ordering other than reading it off the scrap of paper in my hand)

Would you like any sugar with that?

Me: I just told you all I know, if one of those words isn't about sugar than I guess no - do you have any tea?

What kind of tea would you like?

Me: Iced

Would you like green or black?

Me: Well I don't want green I just want iced tea.

You might like the black Tazo tea

Me:  If that is iced tea I will take one (seriously not trying to be an ass I just wanted some iced tea I was HOT and had just scared the poor lady at Kohls and still had cattle to clip!)

Great what size would you like?

Me: Medium

Would you like that with sugar?

Me: Could I have half and half please, half sweet and half unsweet? (That's how I order it at Subway)

So that is a Venti Tazo black tea with 2 pumps?

Me: (again not trying to be rude) Sure if that is a medium iced tea with half the sugar!

Please pull around!


Finally thank God - I pull around and all I want is to get the drinks, pay and get back to finish my work - but the second I pull up the dude trys to hand me a sample "shot of iced espresso with a drizzle of caramel" he has even gone to the trouble of cutting a regular straw into thirds so that it looks cute and fits in the little cup - again I can't stand the smell of coffee and it is just rolling out the drivethru window of this place and in the heat seems to be expanding and taking over my truck - which already smells of a distinct combination of sweat, cattle and manure which I prefer any day to the smell of coffee - so I keep telling him no and he keeps trying to hand it to me telling me it is free and I keep trying to be polite (seriously I was) finally I look at him and tell him "I hate coffee I don't want it" - he finally hands me my two drinks and I pull away - pretty sure that dude was as glad as I was!

I will say that the Grande Black Tazo Tea with 2 pumps is good - not any better than the tea I get at Subway but good - I have since been back about a handful of times and I always get the tea - but quite frankly am a little ornery when I order because I always order "a medium tea, the black with half as much sugar as you usually put in it" - I know what I am suppossed to say now but I just flat out refuse!


  1. Oh I am seriously thinking of not reading your posts anymore. You don't like Starbucks the expensive I just want ordinary coffee not fancy place:) B

  2. You always crack me up! I'm like you though. I only hit Starbuck's when I'm on my way to Indy to see you and all my blogging buddies, and I NEVER get my order worded right on the first try! Poor person on the other end always has to " 'splain thangs" to me. OH! You can get iced coffee, it's pretty good if you like coffee, but it's also kind of a pft! bang for your buck because it usually ends up being mostly ice. I'm gonna try and get my $hit together early enough to make my own before hitting the road tomorrow morning. I just want to be alert as I try to negotiate around/through Lebanon. I HATE interstate driving, at least on 65. Maybe I'll go 74, but I will have to get up earlier and back track a bit! Stay tuned!

  3. Just wanted to tell you I am back and forgive your Starbucks bashing LOL I don't care we have Tim Hortons they don't deal in fancy to much:) B

  4. I'm a total Starcrack whore!! I usually get the mint tea with 2 honeys. When I get coffee, I get the peppermint mocha. Me likey!!

  5. I am right there with ya on the coffee hating and starbucks shenanigans! I really don't like that place... and the green tea there tastes like hay... just sayin ;)

  6. Free wifi is the only reason I go to the Franklin Starbucks, too! But, their breakfast sandwiches and smoothies are good. Of course, they're not called smoothies there, naturally they have a fancier name for them.

  7. You always make me laugh! I live 97 miles from Starbuck's!

  8. Too funny! I love my morning starbucks but I do usually say "skim milk" and they repeat back non-fat!

  9. Give me a triple venti skinny extra hot vanilla latte any day! Except when it's 105... then I'll take an iced nonfat caramel macchiato. Too bad the closest Starbucks is 30 miles away! Actually... that's better on my wallet...

  10. I love my coffee, but the kind i make at home. Starbucks is awful! and way overpriced. Just give me a great swee tea, which i also prefer from home! take care..

  11. You won't lose me, I don't mind the smell but don't like the taste of coffee at all. Give me a good unsweetened brewed black tea, with lots of ice!
    You made me laugh today